Continuing to Develop

I am making a professional commitment to learn more and grow as a professional and person while diving ever deeper into the fascinating world of attachment science and how it is related to relationships. And I must say it is a lovely commitment to make.

Attachment Science and Emotional Expression

Over the last two years, I have been busy studying and developing my practice to ensure I integrate new knowledge. In 2023 I attended the Emotionally Focused Therapy: Attachment Science in Practice course. It was a wonderful overview of emotion, childhood experiences and how Emotionally Focused Therapy can be used when working with individuals, couples and even families. A highlight for me was learning about the function of the 6 core emotions and how they are used to orientate us to the world. Feeling sad has a purpose just as, joy, shame, anger, surprise, and fear do. In turn, each of us has a relationship to those 6 core emotions that guide how we both internalize the emotion and express it to others.

Anger for example is sometimes seen as an unacceptable emotion. When in fact anger is just trying to protect us from something dangerous. It only becomes maladjusted if we express it in a way that hurts others. An example might help: a person receives a negative work review from their manager and feels angry because they don't think the review was fair. An unhelpful expression of anger might include the individual bottling up the anger and lashing out at home when their partner makes a simple mistake. In this example, the anger bottled up from work has bled over to home life because it didn't have a chance to be expressed in the correct environment; The anger then goes on to harm the individual and their relationship. A helpful expression of anger would be the person leaning on anger to generate the courage to ask for an individual meeting with their manager. During the meeting, they could express their opinion and work to find solutions.

Couples Therapy

After this course I travelled deeper into the world of Emotionally Focused Therapy and completed an EFT: Externship course. The course was narrower in focus; specifically looking at the link between attachment science and intimate relationships. The course was run by the Irish Centre for Emotionally Focused Therapy and offered a chance to become familiar with the pedagogy of EFT and practice applying it. We listened to lectures, studied and role-played applying our new skills.

A standout experience for me was working through something called The Cycle. In the EFT world, The Cycle is a way of articulating and even visualizing how emotions are linked to attachment needs. Essentially EFT assumes there are two layers of emotion; An outer layer that is connected to an action tendency and a deeper level that is connected to unmet attachment needs. Again, an example might help articulate this further.

Arguments in relationships often get triggered over menial topics such as who unloaded the dishwasher last. This can spark frustration. Frustration, like all emotions, carries with it an action tendency. Think for yourself: when you are frustrated how do people around you know…what is it that you do? As the emotional intensity of the argument ratchets up one person may storm out feeling as if their opinion and needs are not respected. This can elicit a deeper level of emotion such as longing for connection or feelings of not being enough for your partner. This triggers an attachment fear. Attachment fears are induced when the connection with our loved one is under threat. What we practiced during the Externship was guiding couples to a deeper level of emotional sharing. The reason for this is that when couples can understand their cycle and then directly express their attachment fear a new more vulnerable conversation takes place and from here healthier relationships can unfold.

Continuing to learn and develop as a mental health practitioner is an ethical responsibility. By doing so it's possible to best support clients reach their therapeutic goals. This is important. However, I have also noticed continuing to learn offers me something more. Inspiration is found as I discover new ways to support my clients. That brings me joy.