Putting the Emotions in Emotion Focused Therapy

Often in our Western world, we are encouraged to be stoic, or then culture tells us we can only express one emotion; This can be based on gender as females are given permission to cry while men are allowed to be angry. Emotional expression outside these narrow confines is viewed as unacceptable and society has a way of telling us. Comments such as: Don't be such a drama queen or Boys don't cry still exist and prove to police our behaviour and limit us as human beings. I believe this has a cost to our mental health.

 In this blog post, I want to share how I use the tenets of Emotion Focused Therapy, an evidence-based modality of psychotherapy to harness the power of emotions in order to assist my clients move toward their therapeutic goals.

What is an emotion:

Emotions are the way our brain informs us of something important. Essentially our brain is saying: wake up, pay attention: THIS MATTERS! From this point, the brain then sends signals throughout the body. That is why certain emotions carry a body-based feeling (think butterflies in your stomach when nervous or feeling a flush of heat when angry). This all gets assigned a meaning in a part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex distills emotions and helps us plan for action. 

 Simply put emotion orientates us to important things in our lives and then primes us for action.

 Now in my work, I look for and focus on 6 key emotions. They are:

 Anger: which primes us to assert ourselves.

Joy: which tells us to move towards something.

Surprise: which primes curiosity and tells us to look at something more closely.

Sadness: which primes us to withdraw or to seek support from others

Shame: which tells us I am inadequate and unlovable.

And lastly, fear which acts as an alarm bell telling us something needs to be taken care of.

Now what I have observed is that we all act on the above emotions in different ways. Some of us when angry may storm out of the room and silently brood the day away. Another may shout and scream or throw something across the room. When sad a person may again pull into themselves or seek out support from a loved one. The way we react to our emotions is largely informed by the environment we grew up in and our biological-based personality. Well and how hungry we are… (At least that is what those that know me would say).

Emotions in Therapy

I have found that something powerful happens when an environment is created that allows for emotions to be explored. That is because so often emotion feels like a big mass of energy that takes over or it is something we work really hard to suppress. Both are exhausting and often leave us feeling sad and depressed or anxious and stressed.

That is why in my role as a therapist I aim to support my client's move toward their emotions. During therapy, I often say: It's okay to be emotional here or it looks like you are angry can you lean into that a bit more here? Once emotions have become alive in the therapy room, we can take a moment to explore their intentions. This, I have found, is a crucial step because the emotion we thought was hurting us often has such a pure and helpful intention.

 From this, the potential of a new relationship with emotion is formed. This really helps alleviate feelings of depression or anxiety because when we as human beings express the rawness of our emotions in the presence of another and that other is receptive, caring and supportive we experience a transformative effect which leads to a new way of viewing ourselves, others and the world at large.

Therapy with Me

When working with me, I will slow down our conversation in order to explore the emotions that are a part of your story. We will pause to breathe and then reflect to see if anything has shifted in your body. Most of all I will respect you and your pace. If something is feeling overwhelming, we will pause, and pull back and only when you are ready will we dive deeper into emotional expression.

If exploring your emotions and wondering how they may be affecting your mental health is something you are interested in, please feel free to reach out. We can schedule a Free 15-minute call. During our conversation, I can tell you a little bit more about how I work and then, much more importantly you can share what is going on for you.

Photo by Engin Akyurt