Attachment Science: What is it and why is it so useful?

Lately, at least in parenting circles, attachment science has become something of a buzzword. And while it is important to consider how we engage with our children and what attachment science might tell us in this regard I want to pivot the conversation a little bit. In this post, I want to explain how I use attachment science in my practice and why I believe it is an effective way to treat anxiety, depression, and a whole host of other mental health concerns.

A (very) brief history of attachment science.

The father of attachment science is a man by the name of John Bowlby. Bowlby who published his research during, and post-World War 2 was struck by a correlation he observed between children who experienced prolonged separation from their primary caregivers and teenage delinquency. Another early developer of attachment science, Mary Ainsworth, built on Bowlby's findings and discovered that children have different attachment styles based on the relationships they have with their primary caregivers.

From this, it was learned that these attachment styles (the way we relate to our primary caregivers) formed a lens through which individuals viewed future interpersonal relationships. Some of these attachment styles are healthy and allow for fulfilling and nourishing relationships in adult life. This is often called secure attachment. A secure attachment helps a person deal with difficult moments because deep down inside they know that if they reach out for help someone will be there. They feel this way because their primary caregivers were able to provide this for them and this experience continues to live with them in adult life.

Unfortunately, for one reason or another, not all of us have had the experience of a primary caregiver supporting us. In this case, the lens through which the person views human relationships can lead to turning inward or pushing people away when in need of support. This makes dealing with anxiety or depression especially difficult because instead of asking for help in moments of duress the person with an insecure attachment tends to isolate themselves.

The good news is that even if a person has had a difficult childhood in which their caregivers were not able to meet their emotional needs they are not doomed to a life of isolation, anxiety, or depression. In fact, research clearly shows that healthy and loving relationships in adult life reverse the effects of adverse childhoods. Sometimes though, relationships in adult life have difficulties and that is where Emotion-Focused Therapy comes in.

Emotion Focused Therapy

Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) is a model of psychotherapy that I lean on to assist my clients in moving through the pain caused by anxiety and depression. EFT harnesses the power of attachment science to support the client in working through their feelings of anxiety and depression by ensuring they don't feel alone with their pain. What EFT has repeatedly found is that when the therapist and client get their therapeutic relationship right and the client feels seen, listened to, and supported the client begins to understand themselves and the pain they are carrying around from a new lens. Slowly the person starts to challenge their core beliefs about who they are and from this they can take greater emotional risks which helps them form safer more fulfilling interpersonal relationships. This is huge and is only possible because of what attachment science tells us regarding the importance of human relationships: when we as human beings understand we are not alone in our suffering, and that someone cares we begin to understand ourselves in a new and more positive manner. We slowly transform from isolated child to emotionally engaged adult.

If you are interested in hearing more about how I utilize attachment science or think you might benefit from emotion-focused therapy, you can always reach out and book a free 15-minute phone call to learn more.

Thanks for reading,

Marsh Cooper.